Hello blog readers.
I would start this post off with an obligatory apology, as
always, but it turns out I actually have a reason this time for the long gap.
Actually, two reasons.
You see, first I was traveling. I actually was pretty busy.
Certainly didn’t have to time to sit down and write anything well thought out.
And the other reason is… I usually wait to write until I’m
in a good mental place, and have the inspiration to package together any
frustrations with a message of encouragement that somehow brings resolution to
the way I’m feeling.
And, to be honest, that hasn’t happened in a while.
During PST (pre-service training) we covered the “Volunteer
Life Cycle” about 57.2 times. They beat that horse to death. So, naturally, and like most of my fellow volunteers, I
tuned it out.
However, I was recently going through some of the immense
tower of papers, manuals, and other ecologically disastrous Peace Corps
materials, and I came across a chart that detailed some of the expected issues
at certain intervals during service.
Here’s what I saw:
|
Month
|
Issues
|
|
11-15
|
-Mid-Service
crisis
-Doubt
about program, role, self, government
-Various
failures over time
|
Check, check and check.
And for some reason, although it pains me to admit I’m experiencing
emotions that PC basically mandated me to, this made me feel…validated.
Don’t get me wrong; I love my life here in Namibia. But, I
do struggle from time to time with a feeling of futility. I also wrestle with
my ongoing adjustment to living in a new culture.
Even before an offhand comment and some serendipitous radio
programming prompted me to pursue a life in the Peace Corps, I’ve always been
fascinated by learning about different cultures. I liked it so much that, after
a short trip to Haiti in 2010, I inserted myself into my local Haitian
community. I went to a Haitian church and started learning to speak Haitian
Creole. I had lunch with my pastor and his family every Sunday, fried plantains
and fish and rice. I loved it. Actually, when I told my PC recruiter about all
of these things, it kind of threw her for a loop. She asked why, and the only
answer I could offer was, I wanted to know as much about Haitian culture as I
could.
So, when I came to Namibia I was looking for that type of an
experience. Immersing myself in a new language, eating new food, living in
different conditions… I assumed I would take all this in stride and learn to
embrace a culture different from my own, and do it with some ease.
Parts of it are easy. The surface stuff, the tip of the
iceberg. The way I dress, the food I eat, being respectful and deferent to
elders. But now I’m getting down to the parts of the culture that lie below the
surface, and it’s hard. I’m being faced with difficult questions like: is it
okay for me to think that parts of another culture are “wrong”? Is that
possible? Because, I’m obviously biased, my moral definitions of right and
wrong are formed from my cultural perspective. But does that matter?
It’s easy to debate these anthropological topics at
arms-length, in a classroom, academically. But I’m here. And these aren’t
high-order thinking, hypothetical questions anymore. They’re real. And they’re
about people that I know.
So… that’s where I am right now. Muddled and messy and
confused about life. No resolution to offer at the moment. And yet, here I
am.
